1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i barfeds in our rink
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
