i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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