im drinking this country out of the recession.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
