Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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