she was so not down for the gang bang
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
