dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My bed smells like the plague
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
