Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
