stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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