If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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