It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
