Four minutes until I can fart!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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