Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
