I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize