At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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