i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
