I can text with my tongue
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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