I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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