I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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