Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
