it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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