I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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