I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
