I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
