The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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