The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
