She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
