Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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