Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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