You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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