so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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