But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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