So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
