When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize