great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
