OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
