I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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