evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
