Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
