I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
