I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dignity is for republicans.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
