Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
