I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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