You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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