i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Welp...herpes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
