I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
