He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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