I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
