i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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