I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
worst night to have a conscience
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
