If i come over, it means nothing
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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