Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
