a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
