Christians are straight up FREAKS
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish you could order shots online.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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