so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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