Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
