I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
