can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
