Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Randomize
