He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
