bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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