I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
