wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
