quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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