Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
